The Life of a Marine Spouse

How we met:

The first time I ever laid eyes on my husband was Christmas of 2013. He had been in the Marines for a little over a year at that point and he was home on leave for the holidays. His smile was as infectious as his personality. We met by chance from a get together of mutual friends. After that, any time he came home on leave, we always all got together. This happened every year until we finally got together.

January 2016 he deployed for an eight month deployment to Europe. Some crazy things happened soon after he left for base after the holiday leave in 2015 and when word got to him, he called me to make sure I was ok. That was the first conversation we had really had outside of our friend circle. At least a serious one. Over the next several months, we began to talk almost daily. We planned out talks around the time change, had FaceTime calls, and talked about anything and everything. Towards June 2016, I realized I was starting to have feelings for him. My feelings were further solidified in July.

Sean was on a training mission the first part of July and he had warned me he wouldn’t be able to talk. I was bummed, but I understood. My birthday that year, I spent the day fishing at a lake in our hometown and dinner with my family. As the day was winding down, I got a phone call from a number I didn't know. I answered and was relieved and shocked to hear his voice wishing me a happy birthday. My heart literally melted. We talked briefly about my day and his training. He assured me he would be able to call again in a few days.

When he came back to North Carolina that August, I decided I couldn't wait to see him any longer and drove to him. From that moment on, we have been together and never looked back.

Life as a Marine Spouse:

We got married in July 2017 and welcomed our first son in September 2017. A few weeks prior to our son being born, my husband received a phone call saying he was on the list to deploy to Syria in a couple weeks. Welcome to the Marine Spouse club, right? I was incredibly overwhelmed with this idea over the next few days before they replaced him with someone else.

The first year of our marriage was a wild one. Soon after our son was born, he was told he was up for orders. In November 2017 we found out we would be moving to Hawai’i in June of 2018. I just moved up to North Carolina away from everything I had ever known in July and in ten months would be living across the Pacific Ocean. Sean had multiple trainings during this time as well. Some were a few days and others were a few weeks. There was also range week and a Bragg training.

To help get myself involved and get me out of the house, I began to volunteer with my husbands unit, 1ST BN, 10TH MAR. I earned certifications for OPSEC/PERSEC, L.I.N.K.S, and a couple others that allowed me to become a Family Readiness Assistant within the command. I actively helped with potlucks and bake sales for unit fundraisers and it honestly felt good to give back to my husbands unit.

May 2018 our apartment was packed up and emptied. Our whole lives were packed into crates and taken away the same afternoon. We spent the next month with our families in Florida before flying to Hawai’i for our new adventure in June 2018. We moved into our home June 27th and survived on Aloha Furniture (loaner furniture) until our household goods arrived mid-July followed soon by our car.

Our daughter started Kindergarten in August and soon after school started I found out I was pregnant again. Naturally that means my husband had to go away for a training. Not just any training. This was a pre-deployment work up and was in California for two months. We just arrived two months prior and he was already leaving for two months before a six month deployment he was leaving for in November. Are we having fun yet?

I immediately got involved with the command as a Family Readiness Assistant and brought all of the certifications from North Carolina with me. I was involved in the command for the over four years we were on island.

Sean left the 27th of August 2018. August 31st, I woke up with cramps and not feeling well. As the day progressed, it only got worse. I took my two kiddos (5 and 11 months) to the ER across island to get checked. Fear came over me at the thought of what was happening as I have sadly had it happen before. After a few tests, I was given the news I dreaded hearing. Alone. With two kids. On an island that I knew no one. And my husband was gone for two months.

The ladies of the unit came together for me in ways I didn’t know I needed. They prayed for me, made meals, helped get my daughter to school for me, and brought self care items. My husbands command got word of what happened and my husband was pulled to come home to help me through everything. We had been married for just over a year at this point.

In the nearly seven years we have been together, he has been deployed three times, been on several trainings that lasted months at a time, and a multitude of schools, missions, and trainings. For example, three weeks after our youngest son was born he was on a plane for a two month training in California. Having a newborn, almost two year old, and six year old solo felt like borderline insanity. Thankfully my mom was able to come out for several weeks to help. It was also during this time that we had started all of the testing for our middle kiddo for autism. I received that diagnosis for him while my husband was thousands of miles away and had to tell my husband through spotty service on the phone. This scenario happened close to four years ago now.

Life as a spouse is not for the faint of heart. I do not say that to start drama or to elicit pity from anyone. It is simply a fact. I have spent many nights alone, solo parenting, and hanging on by a thread waiting for homecoming. I have PCS’d twice and handled all sorts of paperwork, set ups for household goods pick up and drop offs, and the ordeal with our HHG being molded this last move. It is definitely a challenge and some days are better than others.

I have heard many times that “I chose this life” and “I knew what I was getting into marrying a Marine.” The truth of the matter is, no I didn't. I knew I loved him and he loved me. I knew he would deploy. I knew he would have training and the mission would always come first. I also knew that no matter how hard it got, that the decision to marry him would be one I would never regret. What I didn't know was we would lose children, have a special needs child, lose loved ones while thousands of miles from home, and have to survive a global pandemic. The point of all that is to say that no one really knows what they are getting into or what life will throw our way. All we can do is adapt and overcome to the waves of change life throws at us. That last sentence is literally the mindset of a military spouse and even though it has been a crazy ride the last seven years, I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe having my Marine home more.